About the Photo

I chose this 1994 photo to remind myself that there is still music within. I've always felt that music is a gift to be given, and when I sang, I was nothing more than a conduit, a physical body with lungs and vocal cords, a vessel to deliver that gift to those that needed a boost. Music is creativity freely given, as is writing or teaching or painting. Writing is now my voice, freely given. I hope you find something here that gives you a boost.

In the Driver's Seat

Honesty is the crucial part of the whole ball of wax. Cliche aside, honesty is the engine that drives the journey of not only reaching our potential, but going beyond. The honesty provides the tools of evaluation and discrimination, the ability to acknowledge and work around limitations, and the vision of reality that keeps energies focused on the growth of the true self. Honesty is the key to balance and the foundation of acting instead of reacting.

Yesterday, while sitting at a stoplight, I glance over to my right. There is a doctor's office there with a parking lot in front. I see a man and woman with a small, blond haired little girl walking between them. Suddenly, the woman lunges at the little girl and grabs her hand. The man grabs the other hand, lifts the girl off her feet, and using a motion like sending a bowling ball down a lane, swats the little girl's butt. The girl's body arches, her feet land back on the ground, and both the woman and man let go of her hands to continue walking toward their car. I am in the middle lane, blocked in with cars all around me.

This little drama played out in less than three seconds, yet my mind was furiously attempting to assess the situation and plan a course of action. As a parent, I know the incredible feeling of panic as my little child threatens to dart off into the middle of a busy parking lot. That did not happen with this little girl who obediently walked between the woman and man in an empty parking lot. I saw no infraction of any sort, but still tried to find a reason to warrant such a swat. Maybe the little girl was a terror in the doctor's office. Considering the girl was not in school, she was probably 4 or 5 years old and I find it questionable that delayed punishment would be effective. Consider also that a swat delivered so spontaneously may just well be the preferred method of discipline, which I find questionable as well.

So far, I see the girl getting a swat, become frustrated that my path to the girl is blocked, and I look for intent and a possible pattern. Looking hard at the man and woman again, the woman is getting into the driver's seat of the car, and the man is putting the little girl in the back seat. The girl had not changed her demeanor. She walked between the two as though the swat was just a hitch in her stride. She raised her arms up to be picked up and put in the car with no hesitation. There was no sign that she was upset or crying. Though far from happy about it, I concluded that the girl was OK and in no immediate danger. The light turns green and I drive off stewing in thoughts of yanking that woman's hand and giving that man a good swat on the butt. I repeated again, 'the girl is safe' and with a heavy sigh, went on to think about something else as I continued down the road.

There is nothing that sets me off more than abuse of a child or animal. The fury and anger are incredible. And, once I start to feel that heat, I kick into what I call my "mode". My mind goes blank and focused to a pinpoint, scanning and assessing like an ultra-fast computer. Some sort of switch is flipped on. This switch is immediate in a crisis situation, an ability I came to consciously realize I had while doing preventive casework. My emotions are there, but my thinking is in control. I am able to act on what I'm feeling instead of reacting.

The honesty comes to play when thinking has evaluated the situation logically, which soothes the emotions. It reveals the reality over and above the discomfort of the emotions. It takes the energy away from the idealized shoulds and coulds and subjectivity. The honesty prevents taking the easy way out by escaping or ignoring or indignant self-righteousness. This same honesty is not only a fundamental key to effective assessment of crises, but of self evaluation as well.

Find your switch and pick up those reins. Your driver's seat is waiting.

(Photo courtesy of the Princess's Carriage.)

Balance

Have you ever been given a test that was a bunch of those no-win situations? Like, you've been shipwrecked and find yourself in a life raft with 5 other people, but the raft can only hold 5 and still stay afloat. One of the people is seriously injured. What would you do? Would you throw the injured person overboard in order to save the rest of you?

Sometimes the questions give yes or no as choices, or sometimes there are multiple choices, but none of the options given are palatable. What I would do in a situation like that is get out of the raft and into the water myself. I can hang onto the side of it without pulling it under. But, that is never an option, nor is it ever an option to let someone else in that raft be faced with the tough decisions!

I'm not quite sure exactly what these types of questions tell about a person. The instinct and will to survive is a strong one, along with a multitude of other facets of a personality that can come out. Perhaps that is something each person has to decide for themselves. It's not an easy task. If I choose to live, then I am a selfish S.O.B. If I choose to get out of the raft myself, then I'm suicidal. Maybe I'm pregnant, or slated to testify against a big, bad criminal. Or maybe I want fame and martyrdom, even if I'm not able to enjoy it posthumously. Now that I think about it, I haven't gotten in a boat since faced with this damnable question!

Honesty may be a little easier to think about now. If you drop a glass on the floor, do you say, "Wow, that thing just jumped right out of my hand!", or do you say, "I am clumsy and dropped the glass. Where's the broom?" Your assignment, Jim, should you choose to accept it, is to evaluate yourself for yourself...

It is not possible to be honest with others until you are honest with yourself. I know, I know; that's what your mother always said.

You Are What You...?

Another line from the Book of Old Wives. It's time to destroy the old to make room for the new.

I've thrown it out there that today's life is pushing us further and further away from our natural tendency to be a social animal. Social constructs have chiseled away social aspects. Would it be safe to say that the ways of passing along morals, values, faith, beliefs have also been eroded?

The Old Wives Tales and other such folksy sayings (and fables and myths and even nursery rhymes) are nonsensical and illogical if you do not think critically. In order to think about them, not only do you have to imagine and project the possible outcomes, you have to separate your thinking from your feeling.

And, that is the balance. That is the power. That is direction. Think consciously.

Old Wives

If ever there was a never-ending source of confusion and befuddlement, it's these "old wives tales." I think I was introduced to the concept back when color TV was still young and I couldn't understand what all the fuss was about the Wizard of Oz because it was still black and white on our black and white TV. Where's the color?

And, just who were these Old Wives anyway? You mean to tell me that what happens when you get married is you become old right away? That made some sense; it certainly explained my crabby mother, and come to think of it, she didn't look much different than the Wicked Old Witch from the West, who must also be an Old Wife. OK, so my mother was a Wicked Old Witch Wife, and I promptly ran behind the dining room door and hid when I heard her coming.

And then I kept hearing, "oh, that's just an Old Wives tale" along with those cute sayings like, "be careful what you wish for or you just might get it." Well, isn't that the point of wishing for something? Oh, I wished hard that my mother would never discover my hiding place behind that dining room door, especially when she had a comb in her hand or when my baby brother was crying. For some reason, when he cried, I got spanked.

"Don't get mad, get even" popped into my head when I started to mull over ways to help someone who is fearful of having an issue with anger. What? Advise someone to take revenge and make sure it's good? Where is the Old Wife that came up with that one?

It's not too difficult to see that, even though I've been adult about four times longer than I was a concrete thinking little child, those young years still have an impact! Just in case you have a bit of this trap in you, I'm not married, so I'm not an Old Wife, and you can believe me when I advise you to be very careful of the things you say to your young child! Stuff like this can make a person absolutely certain to be stuck between a rock and a hard place...

Zen Focus

I found a blog today called Zen Habits. It is written by Leo, a man living in Guam that shares his experiences of improving his life as his way of 'paying it forward'. I highly recommend the blog.

Reading some of Zen Habits made me realize the difficulty I was having with this blog. I love to opine 'til the cows come home, but what good is it without purpose? I stopped trying to save the world a long time ago. It was not something little ol' me could actually do. Not all at once, at least. So, I Pay it Forward. That is the purpose of this blog: To share my views and opinions as a way of offering a different way of perceiving and understanding. Like Leo, I also have to say that I am not the most qualified. I'm just willing to share.

Leo mentioned something about the general aversion to organized religion, that he feels the church, any church, is a social gathering place that gives people the opportunity to be kind. As the opposite, he points out that we are all anonymous to each other as we all have to drive our car to get anywhere. Yes, we are more and more isolated every day, not only from each other, but from ourselves.

And yes, I am one of those with an aversion to organized religion, and my 'why' is probably pretty close to everyone's 'why' with the same aversion. Perhaps the balance has been tipped toward a complete destruction of the institution of organized religion. But, faith, beliefs, spirituality, ethics, morals, and values are being destroyed along with the institution of organized religion! Historically, is there anything to look back on to give us an idea what happens when so many no longer have religion? I can remember nothing like a time when people no longer searched for meaning, for purpose, for something more than the way life appeared to be. Add to this hollow existence the destruction of the social gathering place and yet another rung of Maslow's Hierarchy of Need is taken out of the natural, necessary quest for growth, individuation and actualization.

The concept of Zen, the emphasis on the "direct individual experience of one's own true nature", just may be the way to put the human back into humanity. What has been lost can be found and strengthened by meditating on 'true nature', and how that is spiritual, ethical, and moral. Define your own religion. In all of the earth's religions, there is a common truth:

From good comes good; from evil comes evil.