6.06.2009

A Conversation With My Heart


Well, hello! How are you? It's so good to hear from you again!

So, things are going OK for you? That's good. That's good.

I know we haven't exactly talked lately, but I do notice you, you know. I mean, lately, you've been keeping me running, up all night, antsy, close to nasty, and I wonder what's going on. I know you said you're OK, but, hmm, that doesn't fit with how you've kept me hopping lately.

First off, let's talk about this paranoia thing, OK? You're not doing it on purpose? No, I don't suppose you are. But, look; not everything everyone says is meant to be a slam, OK? And as much as we'd both like to go back to being the light in his eye again, that's not really something that can happen, right? Right? So, if we're not the only thing on his mind right now, that's the way it is. Get over it!

Oh, so now we have to tie self-esteem into it, do we? Dang, girl! What? You're not the source of the I'm fat, old, gray and unattractive feelings, my brain is? Nothing like passing the buck! Aren't you going a little overboard here? I mean, come on! Years ago, you were feeling the same. Nothing is different now, other than a few more decades under the bridge.

Why in the world are you letting all those insecure feelings leak out of the small corner of my past where I hid him anyway? You said you were "heartbroken," and I stayed loyal to how your broke pieces feel about him. Those walls should've been solid as a rock by now, and you broke through them like they were paper, you silly thing. Help me pick up the mess you made.

Well, sure, it's good to get out. We've had that conversation a few times, haven't we? I mean, you are the seat of joy that I feel all the time, aren't you? Yeah, I know. He was a source of joy years ago, and it was wonderful beyond words.

No, no, no! Just because he is reaching out to us now doesn't mean what you think it means. It's you that is making the situation muddy and confused! I know you were the one touching him, but I'm not sure that's what the situation calls for now.

So, what do you say? Think you could sweep those broke pieces back into their little corner? I really need to get sleep, get focused and go back to giving all that joy to everyone again. Yes, you're right. All those feelings roaring through are an inspiration, but it's a bit too much and it's all out of proportion! I can't deal with it all at once like that.

What? We're not paranoid, we're schizophrenic? I'm not sure about that. I'll ask common sense the next time I see her, OK?

Now, will you get sweeping, please?

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