You know, maybe I didn't do a good job with The Birds and The Bees talk. Or, maybe I did too well. Who knows?But, if you're a single parent, then your one and only kid shouldn't grow up so fast and leave the nest so soon, right?
Then again, he was a teenager first, and that tends to cure a lot of the "cute" a kid once was. I mean, the toys left out around the house went from Legos to video games and empty pizza boxes in no time flat. The dishwasher could be empty, and the cupboards bare because a hefty percentage of the available glasses, cups, silverware and plates and bowls are piled up around that teenager's room. And, forget about pitching in on the usual household chores, unless you want to spend weeks harping and bitching and nagging.
I should be happy now. I should be elated. The things that were driving me crazy for the last 20 odd years moved out when my son did. Right?
OK, I'm happy the messes are gone along with all the reasons to harp and complain. Life is quite a bit less stressful. I mean, I can even keep my kitchen clean now. I know where things are since they are still where I put them last. It's a lot less stressful.
Yet, what I'm doing is throwing myself a pity party. I miss that pain in the rump kid of mine. Oh, I have lots of conversation with all my animals, but they didn't take all the history classes I slept through in high school and can't answer my stupid questions about it. My dogs are mouthy, yes, and they really don't listen any better than my kid did, but it's just not the same somehow. My horse is super intelligent, but he doesn't answer questions either. The best he can do is pin his ears and shake his head. Come to think of it, my kid did a lot of that too.
Bring out the violins now... Here I am, half a century old, and I have no idea what to do with myself now that it's just me again.
Sigh...
I think it's time for another childhood. Yeah. I could be onto something here. Maybe a red convertible sports car, leopard patterned, skin-tight tops and leather pants topped off with bleach blond hair. I'll buy new makeup and apply it a few inches thick before I head out for a night on the town. I'll learn to flirt and fall all over men, lie about my age and drink them all under the table.
Um, maybe not. That sounds like it would run past my 9:00 bedtime...
So, what is a girl to do?
