You Want Me to Testify to What?


I got a strange phone call today. I couldn’t answer, so the caller left a voice message saying she was from some lawyer’s office in Little Rock. She was calling to see if I remembered a car accident that I witnessed back in May, 2007! The case was finally going to trial and the lawyer handling the case wanted me to testify.

So, I called her back, curious. She was the secretary, and the lawyer himself wanted to talk to me. Well, OK, that should be interesting, so I told her to have him call me at 4:30 when I’m off the clock.

And, the lawyer called – 5 minutes late. Talking to him, that he was late didn’t surprise me at all. Either he had a very liquid lunch, or he missed taking his ginseng this morning, because his speech was almost, almost slurred, and he couldn’t remember crap about the case himself.

“Look,” I said, “don’t you have the police report? That accident was over two years ago and I seem to be suffering some menopausal symptoms. What’s on the police report should have all I know – knew – right on it.”

The persistent s.o.b. wasn’t deterred at all, and he replied, “You were there, and we have to paint a picture for the jury. We’ll pay you to appear, and we’ll pay your mileage there so you don’t have to worry about missing work. I’ll send you the police report to jog your memory, and I’ll send a subpoena so you can show work that you need the time off.”

So, he faxed me the police report. Not only did he send me my statement, he sent me all the police reports, police inspection reports, everyone else’s statements and who knows what else. Um, isn’t that witness tampering?

I didn’t see the accident itself either. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw an SUV going off the road and into the median. That was actually cool with all the dirt flying both ways, kinda like it looks when you run through a big puddle. Yes, I stopped fast, backed up and helped the woman out.

According to the woman, a tractor trailer didn’t see she was already beside him and switched lanes anyway. The trailer bumper caught her front bumper, they hooked a split second, and she ended up off the road.  But, I didn’t see all that. I saw the aftermath.

The woman wasn’t hurt, only shaken, and she was driving a Cadillac SUV. The front end was messed up, but I doubt it was totalled. It sure makes me wonder why it’s going to court at all.

Oh well.  It’s been awhile since I’ve had to testify in court, under oath, so it should be fun, even though I’d rather not. One of these days, I’ll learn to curb my curiosity and ignore calls from numbers I don’t know.


  1. Well, unless he actually serves you with a subpoena, you don't have to go. I guess if you want to and feel you're doing your part for society, that's a different story. I don't know how I'd feel about an attorney who sounded as though he'd been having a liquid lunch :-)

  2. I agree with you on that point. The lawyer just didn't seem sharp at all, and I've seen more than a few lawyers around here that seem to suffer the same affliction.

    What info I can provide is just fluff, not facts, and it will only increase the costs of the case in time and money. What this lawyer doesn't know is that I have had many court appearances as a case worker and know the rules of engagement, so to speak. He will kick himself for wanting me as a witness when it's all said and done.