Stop a Moment

Not two feet away, within arm's reach, yet separated by a glass window, I saw my newborn baby for the first time as they wheeled my gurney past the nursery. So tiny he looked, with a full head of hair and one fisted hand under his chin. Was he real? Yes, there was a little motion of his jaw and lower lip; a brief sucking motion. Across both eyes and the bridge of his nose was a deep purple and swelling - the evidence of a delivery gone wrong and the resulting C-section that brought us both through the difficult experience.

Like a monstrous rush of a bursting dam, I sucked in my breath hard and gave out a long wail. Out came all my anxiety and fear and pain and worry in a rush of relief, while at the same time came the overwhelming helplessness of seeing that my baby had been bruised and hurt and I couldn't get to him. That much emotion in one moment stopped my heart in my chest. I experienced unconditional love; a love that was so total and expansive that it barely fit in my body, heart and soul.

I've never had another experience like that, but I've had some that have taken my breath away, and for several different reasons. Thinking about these things broke through all the mind-boggling negativity and irrationality that the recent weeks of news have held.

It got me thinking. Just how do we all keep plodding through life bearing the weight of such negativity? So much is unknown. Everything is unknown. No one can even begin to project or predict based on the circumstances at hand. There's no way to prepare, to defend ourselves against the unknown. Just writing this is making me scowl.

I have the answer. I figured it would probably be best to go out and feed my horse, dogs and cats before sitting down to write, or I'd be feeding in the wee hours of the morning again, like last night. It's best to do that before I tell you what that answer is. I'll take you with me.

I put my nose into Odin's shoulder and smelled his wonderfully warm horse smell. I put my head down so that all four dogs could lick my face while I felt the breezes from their wagging tails. Cats were wrapping themselves around both of my legs and reaching for my hand. Odin stood still while I leaned against him to stay upright on my feet.

I laughed. And laughed and laughed. I laughed the entire hour or so that I was out there with my little zoo. I laughed with the pure joy of the moment.

I hadn't realized how much I had squashed myself into a tiny emotional space in self defense. I didn't know I wasn't living in the moment anymore. And, I hadn't noticed the absence of joy.

It's there. It's always there, waiting for me to get back to it. And, it's always there waiting for you too. Joy is not just in the huge, life-changing experiences. It's here in the moments, too. Have you found yours?

Give Me the Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing But

Back in college, I could write up a storm. If I had an idea, it just came out of me and onto the paper in a rush. I never read what I wrote, and never edited, and everything came out exactly the way I intended it to enough to earn me a solid 3.79 GPA.

Then, graduate school came along, and suddenly, I was told to write only in the third person and the rush came to a screeching halt. It seemed a dishonest way to write. Instead of saying this is my opinion and here's why, I had to covertly give my opinion by manipulating the facts instead of owning and taking responsibility for my opinion. What I had to say was no longer important, and I felt as though all I did was spit out crap that wasn't my own. I still graduated with a 3.89 GPA, but there was a lot less joy in earning it.

Blogging has brought the love of writing back, and the rush happens every now and again. Writing for the newspaper keeps my chops up with third person writing, and I have come to love it as well. It is a challenge to observe and state the facts and put it all together in a way that won't put you to sleep. I have to be careful to put things in ways that no one can interpret as the paper's opinion, and I have to be sure I don't editorialize.

"Here's the facts, you decide," is one local TV station's news grab line. I never watch the news, so I have no idea if they're true to their word or not. But, it is my goal in writing for the paper.

That's a good thing, I think. Just think how it would be if more journalists and reporters and editors felt that way, especially during the past few weeks. Can you imagine how much easier it would be to choose a candidate or know what was going on enough to decide whether you should be royally pissed or not about this Wall Street bailout deal?

Facts

A fact is "knowledge or information based on real occurrences; or, something demonstrated to exist or known to have existed," according to dictionary.com. You collect your facts, sort them and then decide if you can form a hypothesis. Check it again, collect more facts, sort them out, and see if you can come up with the same hypothesis. If the results are the same, then you have a theory, or loosely, a conclusion.

Today, I read an article, "Onus on McCain to turn presidential race his way." The AP writer very blatantly collected quotes and presented her opinions using the people's voice she quoted. She didn't even bother including poll statistics to support her claim, but gave generalizations instead. Is it "news" that one camp is "optimistic" and the other camp is "discouraged, but not pessimistic"? The article should have been presented as an editorial instead of a news piece. That would solve everything, because it is only....

Opinion

Dictionary.com says that an opinion is "a notion or conviction founded on probable evidence; belief stronger than impression, less strong than positive knowledge." Yep, that article is an editorial presented as news. It doesn't help me make my choice knowing her opinion. I don't know the facts, so I can't form my own conclusions.

The same can be said about the Wall Street meltdown, and why our elected representatives chose to ignore an overwhelmingly negative public response to the $700 billion bailout funded by taxpayer money. Something that large, that important and that controversial should have been put up to vote and decided based on that vote. And not by the electoral college, but by actual numbers for and against.

You know what? I know nothing, nada, zip, zilch about the stock market, the finance industry, hell, even the need for a stock market, and I sure have no idea at all about the current meltdown. Why? I've read everything that came across the news wires about it as I could. None of the news articles were overly heavy in stock market lingo or terms or phrases and I understood everything I read. I still came away knowing nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

The conclusion I came to is the same as most of the rest of the population - no, absolutely no bailout for a bunch of bottom-feeders that bit off way more than they could chew! A man can steal a loaf of bread for his hungry wife and children and be thrown in jail, but when these greedy bastards steal from everyone they come in contact with, they are "bailed out" and never even charged with their grievous wrongs. How can that be right? You just gotta love…

Politics

Back to dictionary.com for the sunshiny definition of politics, disregarding the tactics to manipulate for personal gain and power:

The science of government; that part of ethics which has to do with the regulation and government of a nation or state, the preservation of its safety, peace, and prosperity, the defense of its existence and rights against foreign control or conquest, the augmentation of its strength and resources, and the protection of its citizens in their rights, with the preservation and improvement of their morals.

It's ironic that the definition of politics includes no reference to the "government by the people, for the people." It's even more ironic to see "ethics," "rights" and "morals" with the goal to preserve and improve them as well. Forgive my ignorance, but I haven't seen any facts to support a conclusion that any of this definition is existent in politics today!

The other day, I read in a book by Dinesh D'Souza that most of the Middle Eastern and Asian cultures believe that it is ridiculous for the general populace to choose their leader. Some say it is because the lower classes are too ignorant to make that kind of decision. Others believe that the leader of a country is chosen by God alone. I can see their logic in these beliefs, especially back in the old days before mass communication existed. To me, it is not logical to assume that a 'government for the people, by the people' would not produce leaders worthy of leading, because in essence, all candidates are from the populace that is not supposed to be delineated by class lines. If I go out and earn the education and experience needed to qualify for the position, I could run for president too. That is the culture here. Right?

It is there, available to all, the mass communications needed to get all the information out so that everyone could make a solid, educated decision on who to vote for. The infrastructure is there and it works. You wouldn't be reading this if it didn't.

But, no real information, no substantial facts are disseminated. If any happen to squeak through, the facts are buried in opinion, manipulation, distortion and contortion. It's like the photo at the top of this post. I am screaming for real facts, real truth, real news!

With what has been presented via the news media, I am disinclined to vote for either party's candidate. What I really want to see in that voting booth come election day is a "NEITHER" level to pull.

Please Don't Litter

The bumper stickers and decals make it sound like a polite request: Please don't litter. I don't. I have proof in my truck. Trust me, there is a floor under all the garbage.

Drive down the road a bit, and you'll see a nice, white sign that reads "$100 FINE FOR LITTERING."

Nice and polite just turned into ugly and threatening. Why?

Didn't everyone's momma teach their children where to throw their trash? No, probably not, or littering is something teenagers do to rebel. Or maybe some people would rather not use the floor of their vehicles as rolling garbage cans like I do.

But, is it that big of a problem? Sure, it could be and it would be if everyone just forgot their good sense and started throwing trash wherever and whenever. I sure don't see it as that big of a problem, and it gives the prisoners a way to get out in the sun while wearing their fashionable striped outfits. And yes, if everyone thoughtlessly pitched their trash, it would definitely begin to have an impact on everyone's lives. So, as far as rules go, it's a good one.

I sure do like it a lot better when I'm politely asked not to litter. Not that I would anyway. But, I am tempted to rebel and toss something, anything out the window when I'm threatened with a fine or threatened with arrest.

Fear stops me dead in my tracks, and my rebellion dies down. If I did manage to get pulled over for littering, which I won't because I don't, I'd be a bit nervous, just like any other time I've been pulled over.

If I was doing something 'wrong,' I admit it right away and get on with the process. I was stopped twice for the same blown-out brake light. The first time, I was shaking in my shoes because I had no idea why I was being pulled over.

I was stopped one time after playing in a town over an hour's drive from home and because my eyes were shot from very dried out contact lenses, I had to go through the sobriety test. I was tired, my back hurt, it wasn't the best of nights playing, and I was worried about being too tired to drive. So, I got belligerent. I told the cop to wait a few minutes for my bass player who will be driving by because he's about as drunk as you can get and still walk, I was so pissed.

After another night of playing, I sat at this red light not a half mile from home, and the dang thing wouldn't give me a green. Again, I was tired, my back was killing me, and I had to pee like crazy. After sitting there for as long as I could tolerate, I looked around, saw no one, and went through the light and turned up my road. I get a couple hundred yards up the road, and you guessed it, I was pulled over. "I gotta pee, yes I ran the stuck light, just got done playing all night, didn't drink and please, if you want to talk with me, can you follow me to my house so that I can at least pee?" Flashlight hit my back seat with my guitars, microphone stand, chord bag, then straight into my eyes and then flashed onto the tags on my windshield.

I see a uniform and I am immediately uncomfortable. Casualty of my hippy days, I suppose. Hippies are always, always afraid of anything resembling The Establishment. I have no idea what that means, but I caught the fear of the uniform anyway.

What I don't get, what totally boggles my mind, is why it is illegal to drive without a seatbelt. I can understand suspicion of driving while intoxicated as a reason to pull someone over, and I'm damned glad that happens. A drunk could kill my son or me or you or your kids or pets or ... Idiots drive drunk. But to be pulled over, cited and fined for not wearing a seatbelt? Who does that hurt?

Only me. It wouldn't even have an effect on passengers in my car if I wasn't wearing a seatbelt. It sure doesn't have an effect on other drivers because I'm not driving impaired. So, what is the point? The Establishment is so concerned about my life that they feel I need to be pulled over, cited and fined for endangering myself? I doubt it.

You know, as soon as we start taking away a right, it becomes much easier to take away another and another and another until we are no longer free. As soon as you think that your rights are more important than my rights is when neither one of us are free.

Maybe none of this ridiculousness would've started if we had only listened to our mothers. And, goshdarnit, just throw your trash on the car floor!

Wednesday's Moment

Step Up to a Conversation of Character

Fall is in the Air

I usually do a synopsis of the previous month, but I'd rather just keep September out of my rearview mirror and thank my top Entrecard visitors:

Turnip of Power
Thailand Land of Smiles
Snapshotcap
The Natural State Hawg
Designing Hilary
The Fool on the Hill
Paul's Health Blog
Symphony of Love
Untreatable's Blog
Photography and Writing

Just Had to Do It

I couldn't help myself. It was driving me battier than usual looking at the same thing for so long. So, I jumped into the deep end and chose a new template for A Bumpy Path that has very little built-in changeability, which means that every tweak that needs tweaking involves tweaking the code. What a challenge!

What do you think of the new look? Would you let me know if you run into anything that doesn't work?